1.farah walks into the coffee shop, one of her old haunts, cautiously. she doesn’t really come here anymore, but is desperate for a quick coffee fix before work. as she feared, she bumps into an old friend. colin is pleasant enough, talking about old times and the way they used to hang out. he manages to get in a sly comment about the way she is dressed now, assuming her husband makes her wear ‘that thing’ on her head. when she tells him she is not married yet, he of course assumes it must be her father. if he only knew how much her parents were opposed to it at first, thinking she would never find a decent job, although alhamdulilah they were coming round now.
before she leaves, colin invites her to the party he is throwing at his flat the following weekend. smiling politely, farah tells him she doesn’t attend such gathering anymore, due to religious reasons. colin smiles wearily and rolls his eyes in an obvious way, as if to say “yet another bible bashing type”. as she walks out of the door, farah smiles to herself, thinking of the complete sense of peace she feels after a sincere and heartfelt prayer, and comparing it to the roller-coaster of emotions and ultimate feeling of despair, after a “fun” night out.
as he watches her leave, colin can’t help noticing how much more serene and calm farah looks now compared to her mood swings in the old times. he is left with a nagging feeling inside him, and he is not quite sure why. however, he soon immerses himself in plans for his party and the uncomfortable sensation is placed at the back of his mind.
years later, as colin sits in the masjid after saying his shahada, he still attributes his journey from darkness to light to the sinking, nagging feeling he experienced that day.
2. visiting times are finally over, and as malika finally lies down to rest her eyes, she steals one final glance at her baby boy. she reaches out to stroke his hair, as if to check he is actually real. closing her eyes, memories of the past soon come flooding back, despite her efforts to repress them.she sees an image of herself sprawled on the floor and wanting to die rather than put up with another day like this.waking with a start, she reminds herself that, through the mercy of Allah, that life is no longer hers.
her eyes fill with tears as she remembers the expression of real concern on Omar’s face during their first meeting. she remembers how he listened in sympathetic silence to her horrific story, although he had not experienced the pain and turmoil of divorce himself. not once did he judge her or assume she did not work hard enough to keep her marriage going, as so many people often did.
she remembers as well, the simple wedding affair she had opted for this time around. simple yet filled with so much blessing. as she had looked around at the smiling faces of her loved ones, she had made a vow to herself to put her past behind her and give everything she had to make her second marriage work. while other girls her age often complained and were unwilling to compromise over small matters, malika knew the value of a successful marriage.
3. jason sat in the noisy classroom, waiting for the lesson to start. as his classmates threw paper aeroplanes and chatted casually, he took out his notepad and reviewed the notes from the previous lesson. somebody poked him gently, hoping he would join in the fun, but jason knew he had to take his education seriously. he knew this would probably be the last chance he would get to pursue his dream of becoming an aeronautical engineer.at 23, he was the oldest student in the class, and he had not forgotten the hours of arguments and guilt trips his father had laid on him for not taking over the family business.
the family business. the reason he had not pursued his education in the first place, despite the promising grades and encouragement from his teachers that he could enter any field he chose. and now, with only days to go before the final exams, jason was set to attend one of the best universities in the country, a world apart from the life his father had mapped out for him. but he would never forget the struggle he faced to get where he was.
4. jessicca breathes heavily,feeling as if she has run a marathon, although in reality she walked casually and deliberately to the rec where she had been arrested for the first time at sixteen. in her hand, she holds a can of fuel, ready to cause some serious damage in the hope that she can burn off some of her anger. she has nothing to lose anyway, now that she had been expelled from the only school in the district that would take her. not that she cared, it had been a waste of time anyway. all her teachers expected her to fail and were waiting for the opportunity to have her out of their lives, so they could focus on the nice, pleasant kids who did not answer back.
although.. there had been that one lesson.
it had been taken by a substitute teacher she had never seen before. he had treated jessica which such respect, and she had really wanted to achieve something that lesson. on her way out, she couldn’t help but say a quick ‘thank you’ to the teacher, explaining sheepishly that she wasn’t used to being treated in such a mature manner. the teacher looked confused, so jessicca explained about her violent past, although she had not wanted to, for the fear that she would receive the same suspicious and wary look she had grown accustomed to. but the teacher simply replied”i knew about that” as he walked away.
all of a sudden, jessicca is reminded of the feeling of hope she had experienced that day, of a chance at a better life. she realises then that it is up to her, and nobody else, to change the way her life was turning out. she takes one sweeping look at the rec, and turns to walk away.
as she turns, however, she is met with the glaring lights and bitter siren of the police car. almost like a reflex, she looks up at the old cottage, and sees the stony face of the same old man who made the life altering phone call the last time. it was as though he had been waiting at the window all this time, expecting her to come back to make the same fatal mistake.
only this time, as the two policemen draw closer, jessicca does not try to run away. she walks towards them bravely, knowing she has nothing to hide.
5. anjum pushes the pram down the narrow street, focusing on the smile of her baby girl and trying to ignore the whispers and pointing she has to endure every day on the way to the masjid. she knows she does not have to go, but she tries to go as often as possible for the maghrib salah, as she loves to hear the recitation out loud. she loves the feeling of standing side by side with her sisters, and feeling that she is united with them, even if it is just for a few, sweet moments. she knows that they cannot be focusing on her ugly past, and reminding her of her mistakes with their looks.
as she enters the masjid, she finds the ikama is being performed, so quickly grabs a hijaab from her bag and hastily slips to the back to join the line of worshippers. after the prayer, she checks on little aysha, who is sleeping soundly. as anjum looks up, she notices a group of sisters staring at her accusingly, their hostile faces looking almost surreal in their beautiful, black hijaabs. she takes her own hijaab off quickly, realising that this is what is causing the problem. she has heard the comments before- how dare such a”loose”woman adorn herself with such a respectable symbol? the group of girls look satisfied at her decision, and their eyes follow her as she steers the pram outside, grateful for the fresh air.
as she begins her journey back home, she almost stumbles at the shock of what she sees. adeel emerges from the brothers’ entrance, smiling and shaking hands as he bids farewell to his friends. as their eyes lock, she recalls the first time they met. she had been blown away at her feelings, and wanted nothing more then to spend every waking minute with him. a month later her little dream world had been shattered, as her parents were informed of their love affair. instead of enduring their wrath, anjum had decided to run away with adeel.
she had endured a few blissful weeks of his company, before the arguments began. anjum had wanted to get married, but adeel said it was just a certificate and they had plenty of time for that. at the same time, she noticed that adeel was very traditional at heart, and seemed to have lost respect for her since the decision to run away. he seemed to think a girl like her had no morals. everytime she ventured out without him, he became jealous and eventually he forbade her from going out without him.
that’s when she knew she had made a big mistake. she left him that night and went back to her parents, who welcomed her back lovingly and helped her to build her life again, and taught her about the mercy of Allah. she realised that all along, she could have gone to them for help instead of assuming the worst of them.
as she looked at Adeel’s face now, dramatically altered by his long beard, she realised that he had also changed his ways and built his life again, and she was glad for him. she couldn’t help but feel, though, as she looked at the smiling faces surrounding him, that his mistake had been forgiven so much more readily then hers. although in the eyes of Allah, their sins carried equal weight, and their repentance had an equal chance of being accepted.
before she began her journey home, anjum took the hijaab from her bag and placed it firmly back on her head. with her head held high, she walked down the street, realising finally that it was only Allah that she wanted to please, and only Allah that could truly understand her need.
this post goes out to all the people who are never given a second chance, and for anyone who has made something of their lives, against all odds.
hema's sphere 
