hema’s sphere

Archive for October, 2007

i’m thinking..

Posted by hema on October 30, 2007

sometimes thinking too much isn’t good for you.

at least, that’s the conclusion that i’ve come to recently. it’s easy to analyse and worry about something so much that you lose sleep over it. i don’t know why burying your head in the sand has such a bad rep, it’s actually very difficult to do. i think it’s a skill you have to acquire.

in a conscious effort to reduce my thinking time, i have decided to work, work work so there is no time left for anything else.

seriously, soemtimes you can worry yourself to an early grave and it could turn out that you had nothing to worry about. if you ask me, it’s better not to think about some things at all.

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Posted in personal | 9 Comments »

giving in

Posted by hema on October 26, 2007

so…the lack of posting recently is due to the fact that i’m trying to figure out how to work facebook and myspace. but before you start with the “i told you so..” it’s because i have to!

instead of continually telling students off for sneaking onto said websites during lessons, we’ve decided to try and incorporate them into their learning experinces..somehow. i have been trying to convince the college to let me use wordpress, because i’m used to it, but to no avail, i have to go with the websites the students want to use. so i’ve asked for a month to get used to how they work. sigh. (only i would complain about being paid to use facebook!) i do like the poking feature though, it’s funny. anyway, i created a separate one for any bloggers that are using it, you can access it here. i have one under my “actual” name as well, and the one for the students is under the college name.

anyways, wish me luck- it’s either going to work or drastically backfire on me!

Posted in teaching | 12 Comments »

losing yourself in the classroom

Posted by hema on October 20, 2007

random friend: i can’t imagine you teaching you know…i mean in a classroom. it’s weird to think, you’re so quiet and timid

random student:  you must be like a human being at home (i hope so..) i mean, you can’t always be doing this..and walking up and down and looking all stern but it’s weird to think of you not doing teaching stuff.you might even drink!(!)

maybe i have multiple identities or something!

during teacher training, you’re always taught to leave any issues you have outside of the classroom, because it’s not the students’ fault if you have problems,  so they shouldn’t have to deal with it or know about it. you’re also encouraged to develop a teaching persona, almost- like an exaggerated version of everything that happens. for example, you might not think that it’s the end of the world if a student’s tie isn’t exactly the right length, or if they’re five minutes late, but you have to act like it is to set the right standard. act confident and in control even if you don’t feel it. body language is 60% of the way we communicate. encourage positive behaviour by modelling it. don’t lose your cool. don’t show panic. don’t show anger. don’t show your nerves. don’t show your problems.

don’t show you’re human?

i know this might cause problems for some people, this idea of separating your identity as a teacher to that of who you might be outside of the classroom. but for me it never has. for me the classroom is almost my chance to be someone else. some people liken teaching to acting, because it’s almost like giving a performance. putting on a show, keeping the audiences’ attention. it’s not just what you teach, it’s how you teach. just because you have said it, it doesn’t mean they have understood it. act the part and you will become the part.

in the classroom, for that length of time, to those students, for those students, i can forget about my own problems and issues and how i feel, and do something positive. i can lose myself in a lesson and forget about anything else.

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Protected: what’s a nice girl like you…

Posted by hema on October 18, 2007

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the hijaab

Posted by hema on October 15, 2007

1. She never expected to feel like this.

She thought she would feel more guilt, but if she is being honest with herself, she feels strangely excited. The music, the lights, the atmosphere, it was easy to become distracted by it all, to forget about everything else but the beat of the music. She thought everyone would be staring at her, wondering what a girl like her was doing in a place like this. She had forgotten that here, anything goes. noone really cares what you are wearing or who you are. you can become whoever you want for the night.

when Sarah had invited her to the party, Hanna had said no at first.

“it’s not the sort of atmosphere i want to be in. you know, with the drinking and stuff”

but Sarah had insisted. “not everyone will be drinking. i’m driving for a start.Just come! you’ll have fun when you get there. what harm can it do?”

what harm can it do?

Now Hanna is becoming immersed in the music. in the back of her mind she is thinking how late it is, that she should go home, but she doesn’t want to. she is having too much fun. someone hands her a drink.what’s his name? it’s too loud too hear. she takes a sip. it tastes funny, but the dancing has made her thirsty.

she is dancing with him now, he twirls her round and round. and round. he slips off her cardigan and the cool breeze feels refreshing on her arms. he leads her away from the crowd. she follows him listlessly. she is starting to feel a little dizzy. she grabs his hand.

then, from the corner of her eye, she catches sight of her reflection. her cheeks are flushed and her clothes are disheveled. she has taken her cardigan off. when did she do that? a few strands of hair are falling across her face. her hijaab looks odd, like it belongs on someone else. she feels tempted to take it off.

and then a strange kind of sadness, almost like despair, because she has never had that thought before.

“come on, let’s get out of here.”

But she has already moved away from him. he looks hazy, as though he is part of a dream she is already forgetting.

she walks away, not quite believing what she almost did.

Almost.

2. what must they think of me? Sarah thinks to herself as she passes by the group of girls. their conversation stops dead as she walks past. she tries to smile at them with her eyes. they look back at her, their expressions blank, some sympathetic, most hostile. Among them is an acquaintance, Aliyah, who gives her a sort of half smile.

she crosses the street to avoid brushing past Hashim, but he doesn’t even notice her. there are better things on show.

“She must hate dressing like that,” Christine observes, referring to Sarah’s long loose abayah.

“why would she?” Aliyah musters the courage to say.

“well come on, who wants to dress in a bin liner? Maybe i should donate some of my old clothes?” Christine laughs, running her hands over her denim shorts.

a few sniggers, but Aaliyah doesn’t join in. she ventures a question, “but who’s it for? all the lovely clothes?”

“me of course” Christine answers, sure of herself.

“you know, Sarah has pleny of nice clothes” Aaliya points out. “She was wearing the most lovely dress when i went over last weekend.”

“what’s the point in doing it in your own house? who’d notice?”

“i thought you said you did it for you..”

but Christine isn’t listening anymore. she has noticed Hashim looking their way. she smiles at him, moves to the side to show off her best angle.

and Hashim? He is looking past her at Aaliyah, who is not enjoying the attention so much. she looks down at her skin tight jeans, feeling suddenly uncomfortable in her choice of outfit.

she is thinking: am i not worth more than the sum of my body parts?

3. “i am worth more than the sum of my body parts”

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Posted in islam | 15 Comments »

for today, tomorrow or sunday…

Posted by hema on October 12, 2007

…….have a wonderful day!

Posted in islam | 9 Comments »

got it!

Posted by hema on October 10, 2007

i got the job! i got itttt!

nobody knows that i’m talking about and nobody can comment but wanted to share it with you all. ask me and i’ll bore you to death with the details!

i miss comments and my blogging friends:( was going to enable them again, but thought i may as well wait a couple of days.

an early eid mubarak to everyone, in case i don’t get to say it. i hope it’s on saturday…

i’m gonna go do some cartwheels (mental ones!)

Posted in random stuff | 9 Comments »