hema’s sphere

just kidding

Posted by hema on August 4, 2007

this is a sensitive topic for me and difficult to write about but i’ll give it a shot.

a few years ago, around six or seven? i had a ..bit of a disagreement with a friend. we were mucking about on IM, thinking up elaborate insults for each other, as you do(!) however, all of a sudden the mood changed and i found she had become very offended at something i had said. i don’t even want to say what:( because it would sound so bad in isolation. but the worse thing is.. i refused to apologise for it, even though i knew how upset she was about it. i told her it was meant as a joke and that she had said some bad things as well, but i hadn’t taken them personally because i knew we were joking around. looking back, i had probably hit on a nerve without realising it. we eventually recovered from it, kind of, but it’s never really been the same since. let’s just say i don’t think i’m one of her favourite people even to this day..

but it taught me a valuable lesson. even to this day, if i think i’ve offended anyone i will apologise immediately, and mean it. even if i don’t feel like i have done or said anything wrong, i’m apologising for hurting that person and any damage i may may have caused.

but when we’re joking around with friends, how do we know when we’ve gone too far? if somebody takes soemthing you said personally, is it their problem for being overly sensitive, or should you take the blame for offending someone, even if it wasn’t intentionally? are our perceptions ofwhat is appropriate being influenced by the world we live in? just a few questions to think about..

the above scenario is why i have a mild heart attack everytime i come close to offending anyone. i don’t ever want the same thing to happen again. i’ll leave you with an part of an email i sent to some of you when i came close recently(feel free to use it should you ever need to send a similar one!) along with some of the most touching replies.

an “icky” message

…….anyhow, it got me thinking in general about some of the things i had
>said to people, and it horrified me to think perhaps some of my
>comments were not taken in the jesting way they were intended. so,
>i just wanted to take this opportuntity to request forgiveness if i
>have ever offended anyone or caused any pain with my words.
>also,i know i am not the biggest fan of giving hugs, but if you’re
>recieving this message, it means you matter to me, and if something
>was to upset you ever, i would feel it too. Sometimes people change
>and grow apart, and i don’t just mean geographically…, but i just
>want you to know i’m always thinking of you and remembering you in
>my dua’s. and finally, if there is anything i can do for you ever,
>no matter how big or small, please give me the opportunity to do so.
>i love you for the sake of Allah

and some replies..

saabirah– i struggled to think of an occassion where u’ve upset/offended me. i’m sure i have done many times and likewise i apologise too. dont hesitate to tell me whenever i did – u can be too good for ur own gud sumtimes. luv u.

caged bird– Hey how are you? Well just to put your mind at ease…………..you are forgiven for being nasty to me! Nah im only joking. Masha’Allah, TabarakAllah i have never seen anything but good from you and can’t imagine you having a nasty streak. Anyway, jazakAllah khayr, for thinking of me and to know that you care enough to send that message

my fellow teacher friend:)-Just for the record you’ve not upset or offended me. If anything, you’ve always been an inspiration to me. As i replied to your last message i was just telling my dad how much of a pillar of support you’ve been to me when applying for my PGCE and teaching post, he laughed quietly to himself as he understands the meaing of true friendship. So, if anyting, i owe you a big thank you!Similarly, If i’ve ever upset you then i apologise sincerely. Additionally, if i can ever help in any way, big or small, please ask. Awww, love you too for the sake of Allah and then because you’re a lovely caring friend.take care. Much love and dua’s.

my big sister in america:)- that was no an icky message.I can never beleive that a person like you can intentially hurt soemone else. You are gifted with a good heart and character. It is an honour to know you and have you in our lives.I wish you happiness in your future life as it is well desrved.

and from the people who know me a little better!!

mishymoshy Hmm, you hurt me with the mere fact that you are still alive. i do not forgive you for this nor do i love you. Kindly go away.Regards PS. I love Jack (oh where would we be without the mishymoshys of the world!)

undiscovered genius- some of ur comments…every other word is an insult.n now uv offended me cz u sed this mail wasnt meant for me, thus u do not giv a damn….c its just in ur nature to offend ppl…hav a gud day!

soliciter saa-aab- walaikumsalam,I dont know, maybe I should forgive you for all your nasty comments…hmmm I’ll give it some thought.It so doesnt suit you being all nicey nice.


14 Responses to “just kidding”

  1. mishymoshy said

    I stick by my comments ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. Lucyp said

    It can sometimes be difficult to know how far to go with someone when joking, we all have different levels of sensitivity and different hot buttons.
    I usually try to avoid saying anything controversial to someone until i know them well enough to know they will take it as a joke but even then it can be a risky business. I guess my advice would be if you have to stop and think if it could be taken the wrong way, don’t say it.

  3. asalam alaykum sis I can really relate to you , Im very serious when it comes to what I say many times my mouth has slipped and I have gone back an contemplated ‘oh why did I say that ?’ to myself i ask , its good that you judge yourself before others judge you first . its good that you care about what you say ..may allah always keep you that way ameen ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Sumera said

    I offend people daily because no-one understands my warped sense of humour :p So I put up a disclaimer warning them of my GSOH ๐Ÿ˜‰ before making any kind of comment!

  5. hema said

    mishy, i wouldn’t have expected anything less of you!

    lucyp- that’s good advice. i think the trick is to know someone really well.
    I guess my advice would be if you have to stop and think if it could be taken the wrong way, donโ€™t say it
    that’s what i’m trying to do right now. i think the problem is when you forget to stop and think!!

    thanks confusedal-i’m trying , but i don’t think i’m quite there yet:(

    sumera- ๐Ÿ™‚ i think understanding a person’s sense of humour. it’s why some people never “click”. the just don’t get each other.

  6. mishymoshy said

    I’ve been checking all day to see this new weemee and I’ve just realised its probably been there all along, Wahey! It looks v like me, is that an Eng tshirt I see on under there ๐Ÿ˜€ Thanking thee.

    I’ve had a bit of trouble with the humour thing recently. As you may have figured out I can be quite mean sometimes but I don’t actually mean it! At work there just happened to be 3 people who had all done History degrees and were now unemployed. I made a snide comment about History and they all laughed but then I realised how mean it was and started apologising profusely. They said it didn’t matter and was actually true to a certain extent but it didn’t stop me feeling really bad. I don’t think they took any offence to my comment but I suppose it did make me think.

  7. hema said

    did you click on the weemee? you have to click on it. i couldn’t get the speech bubble onto the page.

    “As you may have figured out I can be quite mean sometimes but I donโ€™t actually mean it”
    yep, i kinda figured that out:) but i also figured out that you don’t mean it. i think life would be very boring if you weren’t mean to me though!

    “At work there just happened to be 3 people who had all done History degrees and were now unemployed?????????

    hhm could this snide comment about history degrees apply to english degrees as well. maybe i should take offence:)

  8. mishy said

    Hahahahahaha! I’ve just clicked on it, that’s fantastic!! I never knew you could be so funny :p

    Re: the work comment: Ah yes, well you see I thought long and hard when typing that and then just gave up. The job which we all had was a temporary one and was due to finish soon leaving them with no other employment to turn to. Better? I don’t remember the snide comment exactly but it went along the lines of “History’s crap”. English rules so of course it doesn’t apply to you too ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. faria said

    salam hema..salam all

    I think it’s very normal sometimes to say something that you don’t really mean it..after all we are humans,and I think if the other person is your friend and knows you well, he/she shouldn’t be offended! this is at least how I see it but I think it’s always good if we think well before we say anything either to friends or to anybody else..

  10. 'liya said

    One thing I like about your blog is that you’re always very fair to both sides in any issue you bring up. I guess that’s what makes you a good teacher ๐Ÿ˜€

  11. hema said

    mishy- ok i’m happier. now let’s just hope there are no history graduates reading..

    wasalaam faria (that’s a nice name) after all we are humans,and I think if the other person is your friend and knows you well, he/she shouldnโ€™t be offended!
    i was waitig for someone to say that! personally, i try not to take anything that is said to me in a bad way. even if sometimes i might get a little hurt, i know the person is my friend so can’t mean anything bad for me so find it difficult to be insulted. but as you said, it’s better to be on thesafe side and remember that some people are more sensitive than others.

    liya- thanks:) i think some people would say i’m willing to compromise too readily and sit on the fence a lot, but thanks for viewing it in a positive way:) i think it’s important to try and see things from other peoples’ point of view.

  12. mishymoshy said

    Hema, do you have any Swiss blood in you by any chance?

    To any History graduates out there: I don’t mean it! History’s fun! Even though I stopped studying it when I was 14… it’s allll good honestly. Hitler, Himmler, love all that stuff.

  13. Yea I’ll agree it does get tricky with jokes. I think I’ve crossed lines too, I guess with me I’ll just get carried away and all that adrenaline its hard to stop until “WHOAAAA” you hit that wall…of going to far. I learned the hard way myself, and realized that some jokes are ok, but really think about the joke now before opening my big and sassy mouth which is a bit too sarcastic for its own good. Don’t be to hard on urself Hema we’re all human and make mistakes but the beauty of it all is that we learn from them repent and move on. I think it’s what keeps us growing spiritually and although this was a hard experience you have learned many things too and discovered a little something more about yourself. It’ll be ok sis!!! Hugs ๐Ÿ˜‰

  14. Umm Yusuf said

    I have certainly went overboard with jokes and playful insults before. All you can do is apologize, hope they accept and try to move past it.

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