hema’s sphere

the sky is not blue anymore

Posted by hema on August 10, 2007

dedicated to the memory of abeer hamza aljanabi , and all the children throughout the world who are being denied their innocence. these snapshots can only be a fraction of what our children are actually going through. may Allah swt alleviate their suffering and grant them the highest rank in paradise.

***

all my life, i’ve been told i’m dirty and rotten just like my mother. then they came to take me away. i still remember the look on grandma’s face, accusing me, telling me i’m just like my mother, running away form her. they take me to another house, filled with toys and smiles, and i smile back wanting so badly to please them. i am happy here, but i am so worried they will find out. one day they will discover how rotten i am, just like my grandma told me. then they will make me drink the burning liquid too.

***

the sky is not blue anymore. was it always this icy grey and i never noticed? all i see now is black wherever i go. i cannot bear to look at the body that is not my own anymore. it belongs to somebody else now, black and bruised as it is. was everything always so black and i never noticed? i wish i could go back to a world of dolls and laughter, but everything around me is darkness and a cold, icy grey. they say it is over now, they will not come back to hurt me. but in my mind they are still there, they never left. the sky is not blue anymore, the sun no longer shines so brightly. somebody stole the colour from right under my eyes and i don’t know how to get it back.

***

i always wanted to go to school, i never got the chance to go in the world i used to know. when the books were given out and i squinted over the strange looking words, they made fun of me but i still tried to learn, knowing it would have made my daddy proud. then the loud sounds started again and i couldn’t face going back. “it’s only the bell,” they laughed at me as i crouched under the table, but all i saw was my baby brother’s eyes again, just before they came striding in and the loud sounds started and daddy pushed me under the table and they were all gone forever.

***

maryum pauses to gasp for breath and then the echo of her wails resound across the store. she feels the injustice of it so acutely, she is sure her heart will rip apart from the pain. don’t they realise how much she wants the doll to complete her collection? mummy’s eyes are pleading with her now to get up off the floor, she can see the embarrassment on her face. maryum knows she will get her way soon. a smile spreads across her face.

half way across the world, another maryum is lying on the floor also. there are flies tickling her cheeks but she cannot find the energy to lift her arm and move them. she feels the hunger pangs so acutely, she is sure she will faint from the pain. her eyes remain dry, there is no sense in crying. there is no-one left to hear her pleading. maryum knows it will be her time soon. her face is blank.

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8 Responses to “the sky is not blue anymore”

  1. confusedaboutlife said

    the first I can really relate all my life I always felt I was bad whenever I found a new friend I would think ‘ bet their gona find out what im like then not like me anymore ‘ I can relate to that story kinda reflects my childhood but in a different way …..btw did you write this ?

  2. Shahrzad said

    Once i wrote a report in persian about a raped girl who died bcs of honor killing, she was from arab-iranian tribe and they are famous to be very extrimist about their girls. There are too many honor killing between them. I want to post her story in my blog soon. I heard same story for Pakistani women. And i read same news yesterday, about an Italian girl. It is a universal pain, big pain, big pain..

  3. Umm Yusuf said

    Subhan’Allah so sad!

  4. Haleem said

    oh so sad.

    May they roast in hell, those who do such a crime are not men.

  5. hema said

    confused- the words are mine, but the stories reflect a range of horrific things that are going on in the world that i for one don’t stop to think about nearly enough. i’m sorry to hear that you can relate to the first story. have you had that meeting with your parents yet??

  6. caged_bird said

    Masha’Allah i love the the account of the two Maryams. Its very good comparison and it is a true relection of the irony of our times….
    JazakAllah Khayr

  7. no hema it had to be delayed im going to inshallah do some gastal work if that word is even spelt correctly basicaly is when you deal with past by usin your intuitions ….you feel silly when doing the exercise afterwards you feel you emptyed alot of the rubbish out 🙂
    pls keep typing up great deep thoughtful post’s hema!

  8. hema said

    confused- i’m glad, it soulnds like a good idea, even if it does make you feel silly!

    caged bird-you know, maryum is only a child. it’s even worse that the same comparison can be made with adults. i’ve spent all month complaining that i don’t have a phone, and at the same time someone else will have resigned themsleves to the fact that they don’t have a home.
    not everyone has the luxury of being able to complain

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