hema’s sphere

a tall order

Posted by hema on August 20, 2007

recently, i’ve seen people reject perfectly good rishtas (proposals) because of height differences. i really don’t understand it, what’s height got to do with beauty? is it the whole tall, dark and handsome thing!!?

i just feel bad for shorter men especially. if the taller girls don’t want to marry them, and even girls slightly shorter/ the same height are requesting taller men, what are they supposed to do? perhaps they should invent heels for men. hhm come to think of it, i think i might be onto something there!

personally, i think it would be rather nifty to be taller than your husband, katie holmes style. scienfolligy aside, i think they make a rather suave couple.


35 Responses to “a tall order”

  1. 'liya said

    Didn’t Tom wear heels when he married Katie? I think I heard he wore some kind of thing in his shoes to make him taller.

    Does the word “rishta” mean ‘proposal’ or ‘man’ ? Just curious, not that it makes a difference! My grandmother is taller than my grandfather and I think they make a cool couple 😀

  2. hema said

    “Didn’t Tom wear heels when he married Katie?”
    really? aaw and i thought i just had my first business idea!

    rishta is proposal, sorry i’m such a paki sometimes i didn’t even realise i did that! i’ve edited it now

  3. samia said

    im sorry but i too am really a prude…:o) I’d like for my husband to be taller than me too, i find it more masculin.. ofcourse im only 162cm in hight, so its almost impossible to find someone smaller than me-lol. but even if it was so, i would have tendensies to reject a proposal on such ground aswell.(i see your look hema, and i am crumbeling in shame from my words)

  4. mcpagal said

    I’ve never actually come across girls being picky about a guy’s height, but I’ve seen it so many times the other way round. Tall, skinny and fair is the desi beauty ideal and it’s not about to change any time soon.

    Personally I couldn’t give a flying monkey about a guy’s height (not that I have many flying monkeys to give anyway 😛 ), because in any case he’s have to be tiny to be shorter than me!

  5. hema said

    i see your look hema
    what look that would be:) i hope i don’t have a judgemental look, i hate them!!
    i find it more masculine– hhm i can understand why i guy(if he was insecure) would feel less masculine, but i don’t see it that way. shouldn’t a person’s actions and personality ‘prove’ their masculinity(whatever that is) more than the way he looks.
    i know it’s a personal thing, what you find attractive and i don’t thing these girls are ‘wrong’ for doing it, as they have to live with the decision , but i think it’s the girls that are losing out, that’s all. for one thing, they could feel like they’re in charge;)

    mgpagal- do you mean you’ve come accross guys being picky about a girls height? really? i always think it’s not a problem, as men tend to like women being shorter than them, in general.

  6. Conflictedworld said

    hmm your not going to like what im going to say but I like tall guys and I don’t know why but find them more attractive and i guess would feel more protective but I don’t think i would reject a rishtah soley on his height as I wouldnt want to be rejected on my height either.

  7. Conflictedworld said

    Ps about tom cruise the things he wore are called shoe lifts you insert them inside the shoe to give you a lift and make you look taller but it only adds about 1 or 2 inch.

  8. Shahrzad said

    Could be 2 persons love each other, hence they dont take kind of points. But I like my hubby be taller than me. No special reason. Just maybe i feel he is my hubby, not my baby! 😀

  9. Lucyp said

    I always feel sorry for Bald men. You just know it is all over for them.

  10. hema said

    ok, it seems i’m on my own with this one, aside from mcpagal of course! i think you have made up for the fact that you’re a dentist now, i like you again:)
    lucy-it’s quite trendy to be bald at the moment, with the younger men it seems. i’ve always hated that look…
    you know, i can understand wanting a guy to be taller than you i guess, it’s when the guy is ‘only’ the same height or a few inches taller and the girl still automatically rejects the proposal.
    anyway, i’m not trying to make anyone feel bad about their choices, i know it’s up to the individual but it’s like a conflictedworld said, we would feel insulted if a girl was rejected “just” because of her height, so why don’t we feel any different when it’s the other way round? guys have feelings too!

  11. C.B said

    Indeed what has height got to do with beauty!! Why thank you Hema, although your talking about the opposite gender…..
    I know a few people who are like nearly the same height as their husbands and they don’t seem bothered by it and the sisters i know are beauties masha’Allah. Its an individual taste thing. I don’t think it should be a case of prejudice where we type all tall people as being boring (hehe!!) or short people having a certain characteristic (although i firmly believe good things really do come in small packages, Hehe!). Its just whatever you fancy really!
    what really ticks me off is when parents start rejecting based on height its like hello, its your son/daugher that supposed to find him/her attractive, whats it to do with you what height she is! tut!
    One thing i can’t understand is when bros who are relatively short or just average reject small girls. I mean you have to be a 6ft model in order to get one!! Ok only joking Hema, just trying to pick a fight!

    But really i believe beauty is in the face. if someone is physically beautiful it is in their features, their eyes, their smile, their face structure. and it goes without saying inner beauty is the most radiant but guess we dont get to know that of the person till we married to them right, so thats why we have to rely on outer beauty at first and after that none of it matter really…..same look day in day out, one day you may have a horrific accident that disfigures our face then what we left with…..ah yes the beautiful heart……May Allah grant us all heart that is pure and sound. Ameen.

  12. Umm Yusuf said

    hehe, I can see it now Hema. A new fashion rage, heels for men. hehe. You know army boots are kinda like heels they make a man much taller. I’m talking at least an inch or two, maybe more. How do I know this you may ask? My brother in law was in the nat’l guard before he passed away. So, I saw him in his army gear as opposed to plain sneakers.

  13. mcpagal said

    do you mean you’ve come accross guys being picky about a girls height? really? i always think it’s not a problem, as men tend to like women being shorter than them, in general.

    Actually, it’s usually the guy’s mothers that are picky! I think they’ve had a picture in their head of what their daughter in law will look like, and reject girls outright if they don’t fit. A lot of guys just go along with this (it’s probably easier that way), and just wait til mummy approves of someone before they check her out themselves. Ah, rishta aunties.

    (One phoned a while ago, and straight off the bat asked my mum our caste, then my sister’s height. She was very disappointed, and said ‘can’t she get any taller?’. Then asked how tall my other sister is!)

    ps, glad to be in your good books again!

  14. Ok, I measure in at 1’77m (@5’10ft), I’m a tall girl. Yes, my hubby is shorter than me. How did this happen you are all asking? We didn’t stand close to each other before we signed the marriage contract so we didn’t realize our heights until AFTER the we sealed the deal.
    Does it bug me?….Yes!
    Does it bug him?….Yes!
    When Nicole Kidman (my height) was asked about being divorced from Tom Cruise (my hubby’s height) she said, “I can wear heals again” LOL
    Hubby goes shoe shopping with me and admits to not liking to walk immediately next to him because I dwarf him. Before marriage I was happy about my height and was described by people as “statuesque”. Now I’m just a plain giant. I miss girly shoes 😦
    Hema- what’s your issue? Your not tall, at least when compared to me, LOL. Tall girls sometimes struggle with feeling unfeminine at times but I can’t imagine that’s ever been an issue for you.

  15. lol your not on to something hema they already exist , their are actual heels for men who are short , I can understand why taller woman would want a taller man , because could you imagine her bending down to kiss him ? it is just bit awkward . but other then that looks is realy nothing major when it comes to marriage , personality is a better and huge asset take it from someone who is married .

  16. hema said

    c.b- although your talking about the opposite gender
    well of course i meant it for the other gender too! but i think women can get away with it by being all cute and petite, and of course wearing heels.
    although i firmly believe good things really do come in small packages
    me too!
    what really ticks me off is when parents start rejecting based on height
    what i really hate is when the son/daughter let them reject it based just on that.now that would make them less “masculine” to me!

    umm yusuf and confusedaboutlife- ok so i won’t give up my day job just yet to start inventing things that already exist!

    mcPagal- she was very disappointed, and said ‘can’t she get any taller?’
    LOL, i can just see this image of a rishta aunite trying to stretch your poor sisters! you’d better hide, it might be you next!!

    saudi stepford wiiiiiiifffffe- i was going to use you and your husband as an example, but wasn’t sure if i should. you guys are cute together!! if i were you, i’d wear heels anyway to annoy him! i can’t believe you didn’t realise the height difference beforehand!

    Your not tall, at least when compared to me
    actually, i’m average at 5’6 (seen as everyone is sharing!) . i know because when we took the year group pic at high school i was the middle person in the middle row!
    but i wouldn’t stop wearing heels for anyone. for one thing, i need to with jilbab, how else do people stop it from dragging on the ground?

  17. Sumera said

    I dont think many girls are bothered about how tall a guy is, so long as he’s not shorter than her!

  18. you are too cute…tall girls don’t need to worry about clothing dragging on the ground, we’re too preoocupied with not looking like we’re expecting a flood:P

  19. mcpagal said

    I just remembered an advert that used to come on, can’t remember what it was for but it showed a tall woman being very conscientious and trading in her heels, and standing on a step below her husband so he wouldn’t notice he was shorter.. heh.

  20. hema said

    sumera- maybe..
    ssw- i am quite cute, aren’t i 🙂
    mcPagal- you just reminded me of the yellow pages advert. now that really was cute. it would sort out the problem confusedaboutlife mentioned..

  21. Anonymous said

    mcpagal you just reminded me of that indian film – as funny as a bollywood film possibly can be. its about a short, dark, unattractive man (not the characteristics of an eligible indian batchelor) who ends up with a tall, fair beautiful wife. he tries to avoid all scenarios where their height difference is obvious and it bothers him because of his insecurity but not her. he ends up doubting his wifes’ fidelity although she loves him and is loyal and then… i didn’t watch all of it so i don’t know. anyone else sad enough to watch it?

  22. Snowdrops said

    You know… I just watched the video of my friend’s cousin’s wedding. Adn the groom was shorter than the bride; and when they stood next to each other, they just looked weird. Apparently, he wore heels… but I doubt that.

    Anyways, I’d say no to all my [if any] proposals anyway. Just for the fun of it 😛

  23. Caged Bird said

    Oh i’ve had the joke of Yellow pages on me!! and the ‘you can stand up now’ (when i already am!) Ha,ha. What used to be funny was when my friend use to call out from the other end of the canteen ‘midget we’re sat over here!’ She didn’t mean offense, neither was any taken, its ok when its your friend……….

    Anyway, my point is Alhamdulillah the way Allah has made us, nothing we can do about it except add a few artificial inches or just hang around with taller people than you to make you look smaller and less awkward, if you do indeed. Allah made us in the best of forms and hopefully we get husbands in good shape too….Hehe. insha’Allah.

    Oh my Goodness S.S wife, you and your husband did not know your heights before you got married. Wow!
    How are the girls? How is xxxxxxxx? i would love to see her now. I’ll just keep you wondering as to who i am, without a certain muslim nursery coming to mind or the height of one of the workers, should be clue, but i forgive you if you forget my name, actually did you ever know it?!

    (HEMA: caged bird, the girl has her very own online name -it’s EttaMae!)

  24. Salam caged bird (as I hijack Hema’s comment section for my own conversations…how rude, eh?)
    Funny part is I’d guessed who it was from the first few lines in the comment. EttaMae’s grown quite a bit and is a bit less cuddly now, but still as sweet. I gather you’d no longer be able to cope with her as she’s knocked my tiny Indonesian housekeeper flat on her backside a few times, Mashallah (strong girl!). I still have the height advantage which helps me keep my balance:). But you could trade her in for her 10 month old brother to play with, he’s more managable.

  25. Sumera said

    I personally want a man taller than myself because I dont think I’d be able to take him seriously if he was shorter than me.

  26. Umm Yusuf said

    lol Saudi Stepford Wife, I remember when Nicole said that! I thought of that too but didn’t post it. 😉

  27. hema said

    annoymous- i have no idea..

    snowy-“Anyways, I’d say no to all my [if any] proposals anyway. Just for the fun of it”

    spoken like a true sixteen year old! i’m glad though, you just focus on your studies for now. we have high hopes for you!

    saudi stepford wife- “as I hijack Hema’s comment section for my own conversations…how rude, eh?”
    it’s more than fine, i’m happy to have people talking to each other! if you really want to make up for it, you can send me pictures of the infamous attamae?

    sumera- well, as i said, i know it’s a personal thing. but i just think that if he is exactly what you want in other ways, people will consider it, even if they say they won’t..
    but i was thinking abot saudistepfordwife’s comment, and a comment made by the person who made me write this post in the first place, and i never really thought about the girl feeling less feminine. for some reason, i don’t know why i never thought about it like that!

  28. Pacific said

    A women wants to have a sense of protection while living with her husband. So, if her husband is taller than hers , she feels good and protected , at least , at a subconscious level.

  29. UH OH WATCH OUT FASHION INDUSTRY HERE COMES HEMA…LOL you know now thinking about it I think in the 70’s men had huge heels so you might really b on to something “PLATFORM REVIVAL FOR MEN” nice headline ha!

    Ok but honestly that’s really so petty in my opinion, ok yea we can ask for whatever we want when it comes to marriage I understand that, but for real turning down proposals because the guy just isn’t tall enough I think that’s a bit shallow, but then again maybe the girl just didn’t like the guy and used that as an excuse. I also think its considered the norm for the man to be taller than the woman and we have for some crazy reason accepted this as a what they quote into a “Cute couple”. I wonder how some of these girls would feel if they were rejected because they weren’t tall enough or short enough then what!!! Hmm… really makes you think about all the demands flowing in the air when it comes to marraige. Inshallah they’ll find good husbands who will treat them like queens even if they are tall, and not end up in serious predicaments all because they rejected a fine Muslim brother all because he was short and opted for the tall one and turned out to be a complete jerk. Somtehing to think about. Thanx for sharing this sis…Hugs 😉

  30. hema said

    pacific- “a woman wants to have a sense of protection while living with her husband”
    well, karate lessons can give her that. there was a ten year old black belt in the ones i used to attend. i don;t think she needed any man to protect her!

    “……the norm for the man to be taller than the woman and we have for some crazy reason accepted this as a what they quote into a “Cute couple”
    EXACTLY! that is exactly what i wanted to say!

  31. arvind said

    Ah!! good to see a change in the perception of girls like u…

  32. Boxergirl1130 said

    Lucyp Says:
    August 20, 2007 at 10:31 pm
    I always feel sorry for Bald men. You just know it is all over for them.

    I actually dated a bald guy once… he was amazing!! And as for the whole short guy thing. I am 6’0 (freakishly tall as I put it) and I want someone taller then me… nothing against short guys (I will and have dated them) I just like being able to look up at them!

  33. arty said

    Hi, i’ve just got a proposal and the guy said yes..however i’m taller than him and even though he’s a nice guy and we get on I can’t over the height difference. I feel really funny walking next to him. The height hang up is mine and not his. What should i do? I cant spend the rest of my life not walking next to him…should i just say no to him and let him meet someone whose not as shallow as i am…

  34. hema said

    when did we start talkin baout bald men??i’ll leave you guys to it!

    arty- i don’t think it’s shallow. you wouldn’t believe how much stick i’ve got for this post, i’m beginning to wish i hadn’t written in! but at the end of the day, you have to live with your decision, so you should do whatever you feel comfortable with.

  35. Yy said

    I think it like extremely cute what a girl is taller than a guy! It looks extremely hot whan a girl is tall and so if she has a guy that is shorter, they get to attract more attencion to themselves, cuz they are not like everyone alse!! They look very special!!! ❤

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